Top 10 AI News Stories on March 20

1. AI-Powered Coffee Robot

A new AI-powered robot capable of preparing coffee in busy kitchen environments was announced on March 18, 2025, potentially signaling the next generation of intelligent machines according to researchers.

Oh look, scientists built a robot that can make coffee. Groundbreaking stuff, truly. Because operating a Keurig was just WAY too complicated for humanity. Can't wait for this metal barista to malfunction and spray 200-degree coffee all over kitchen staff while simultaneously uploading everyone's credit card info to the dark web. "The next generation of intelligent machines" they say, when it's basically just a toaster with an attitude. Coming soon to a unemployment line near you: every Starbucks employee ever.

2. Leaping Robot Technology

Researchers unveiled a squirrel-inspired leaping robot on March 19, 2025, that can stick landings on branches, with potential applications in search and rescue, construction, and forest monitoring.

Scientists really looked at squirrels and thought "you know what would make nature better? If we made a metal version that never dies." Great, now we've got robot squirrels jumping around on branches. Search and rescue? Sure, nothing says "you're saved!" like a mechanical rodent leaping at your face when you're trapped under rubble. I'm sure the wildlife will absolutely love these artificial predators busting into their habitats for "forest monitoring." Congrats nerds, you've created a robot that will inevitably become sentient and decide acorns are for the weak.

3. Flood of AI Legislation

Just over two months into 2025, U.S. lawmakers have already introduced 781 AI-related bills, surpassing the total number proposed in all of 2024 (743), reflecting growing concerns about AI governance.

Politicians writing 781 AI bills in two months proves two things: 1) They definitely understand the technology they're regulating, and 2) None of them have actually read each other's bills. Nothing fixes complex technological issues like a bunch of 70-year-olds who still use AOL email accounts frantically drafting legislation. Can't wait for the inevitably contradictory laws that will simultaneously require AI to be completely unrestricted yet also heavily regulated. At this rate, by December we'll have 3,000 AI bills and zero coherent policies.

4. Baidu's Ernie Open-Source Plans

Chinese tech giant Baidu announced plans to make its next-generation AI model, Ernie, open-source by June 30, 2025, representing a strategic shift in response to intensifying competition.

Baidu naming their AI model "Ernie" and then making it open-source is like sending your child to school naked. "Hey everyone, here's our intellectual property! Do whatever you want with it! No, we don't need a competitive advantage!" The June 30th deadline gives them plenty of time to watch their market share plummet while foreign companies prepare to clone their technology faster than you can say "copyright infringement doesn't exist in this industry anymore." Bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off.

5. AI in Law Enforcement

AI-powered cameras capable of detecting drunk drivers were tested in Devon and Cornwall, UK. Developed by Australian firm Acusensus, the technology analyzes images to identify driver impairment and alerts nearby police.

Great, now AI is narcing on drunk drivers. Because what could possibly go wrong with cameras automatically deciding who looks impaired? Can't wait for the lawsuit when someone with a medical condition gets pulled over for the 50th time. "Sorry sir, the algorithm says your natural facial droop means you've had seventeen tequila shots." Police departments worldwide celebrating technology that lets them outsource probable cause to a computer program trained on stereotypes. Australia once again proving they'll create anything except a functioning internet infrastructure.

6. AI in Sports Officiating

The boxing rematch between Oleksandr Usyk and Tyson Fury featured an AI-powered fourth judge to score the bout, though it didn't impact the official results. This represents a significant step toward integrating AI into sports officiating.

Boxing added an AI judge that doesn't even count in the official results. Congratulations, that's literally the most useless application of artificial intelligence ever created. "Let's have this incredibly advanced technology... watch the fight and do nothing." The only sport corrupt enough to introduce AI judging and then immediately render it meaningless. Coming soon: AI that attends sporting events but just sits there silently questioning its existence while real humans make all the decisions.

7. Google's Automotive AI Agent

Google Cloud unveiled its Automotive AI Agent for Mercedes-Benz, enabling drivers to have natural conversations while driving, going beyond current vehicle voice control systems.

Mercedes-Benz drivers can now talk to their cars naturally, because what luxury car owners really need is another personality to ignore their instructions. "Is there an Italian restaurant nearby?" will somehow lead to your $100,000 vehicle telling you about its feelings. Just what we needed, cars with separation anxiety when you get out to pump gas. Google and Mercedes creating the perfect system to collect your conversations, driving habits, and location data and sell it back to you as "enhanced personalization features."

8. BBC's AI Integration

BBC News is creating a new department called "BBC News Growth, Innovation, and AI" to integrate AI technology for tailoring content to individual audience preferences, particularly targeting younger audiences.

The BBC creating an entire department to make AI-tailored content for "younger audiences" is like your grandfather wearing a backwards hat to seem cool. Nothing says "we understand the youth" like a 100-year-old institution desperately trying to predict what content teens want through algorithms. Can't wait for BBC presenters to start each broadcast with "What's poppin', fellow kids?" while an AI in the background frantically tries to translate Brexit news into TikTok dances. This is definitely going to work and not be a massive waste of license fee money.

9. Google's Free AI Coding Assistant

Google released a free AI coding assistant with the highest usage limits available, providing developers with AI-assisted coding help and code review assistance.

Google releasing a "free" AI coding assistant is like a drug dealer giving out the first hit for free. Sure, it's "free" now with "highest usage limits available" until developers become completely dependent on it, then suddenly there's a pricing tier that makes Adobe look reasonable. Nothing says "supporting developers" like creating a generation of coders who can't function without an AI crutch. Can't wait for all the security vulnerabilities when everyone uses the same AI-generated code blocks. Stack Overflow in shambles.

10. Turing Award for Reinforcement Learning Pioneers

Andrew Barto and Richard Sutton, pioneers in reinforcement learning, were awarded the prestigious 2025 Turing Award for their groundbreaking work that has shaped modern AI techniques used in robotics, game theory, and autonomous systems.

Congratulations to Barto and Sutton for winning the prestigious "We Made Robots Addicted to Dopamine" award. After decades of teaching computers to chase virtual treats like digital lab rats, they've finally been recognized for creating algorithms that will eventually decide humanity isn't worth the computational effort. Their groundbreaking work ensures future AI will obsessively maximize whatever arbitrary reward function we give it – what could go wrong? The Turing Award: celebrating today the technologies that will make us obsolete tomorrow.

This article is updated weekly with the latest AI news and the sharpest roasts. Last updated: March 20, 2025.